American Experience(1976-81)

Frs. Jose Alencherry,  Ettoly and Matthew Muthuplackal were at the Kennedy airport to receive me. I went with Fr.Ettolil and spent a couple of days with him at his parish. The New Year was spent with him.  I saw the New Year parish dance and felt out of place in such a celebration as it was too early for me to get into the spirit of the celebration. Everything was to new to me. It was my first introduction to an American way of life.

Fr. Jose Alencherry also took me to his place at Ossining and later they dropped me at the Kennedy  airport .There was a two hour flight to Indianapolis and from there a forty five minutes ride to Terre haute by a small commuter plane. I have never ridden a commuter plane with around  25 passengers or around that number. I was telling myself what a fool I was after traveling so far and then  to end everything by traveling by this small aircraft! I thought it would break down and fall at any moment as it was going up and down and moving sideways in its flight!

As I reached the airport and got out with my suitcase, I felt disappointed at   seeing no friendly face. Then, I heard someone from the side calling, “George.” It was the  pastor of the parish with whom I was going to stay at St.Anne’s Church. That was the opening of a new chapter in my American experience.

St.Anne’s Church,Terre Haute—1976-77

The stay at St. Anne’s was new in every respect. Fr. Don Raih took me to the University for registration and helped me in many ways in the first few weeks .He was under the impression that I was familiar with everything that was American . Slowly I began to make friends with people at the parish as well as at the University.

For the weekday masses, we  used a portable altar .We had to set it up before the people arrived. Time flew fast and within a year I finished my Master’s degree from the Indiana State University. I did my master’s thesis on Walker Percy’s novels.

 It was by accident that I came across the works of Walker Percy. When we went to a neighboring parish for dinner, Fr.Raih took some of the used magazines from the Pastor. In one of the magazines, I saw a review of Lancelot, one of the novels of Walker Percy.The review caught my attention and I began to read  his other novels as well as  his collections of essays. It was that review in the magazine “Saturday Post” that opened my eyes to a new kind  of fiction and finally to the selection of the fiction of Walker Percy for my Ph.D. dissertation.

After finishing up my work in Terre Haute, Indiana, I decided to join the Catholic University of America for my Ph.D. It was a big move.

While at Terre Haute, I worked at the Campus Ministry of Indiana State University. I had to say two masses every Sunday in the afternoon at the Campus Ministry chapel. Fr.Christian Moore was the Chaplain. Fr.Moore was a Franciscan priest and one of the great and generous priests I have come across in my life. I was very sad to hear  later that he left priesthood and got married.

 I had a very happy time with the students at the Campus Ministry. They would come to the rectory where I was staying  to give me rides to the University and back.

Dr. Misenheimer was the Chairman of the Dept. of English. There were more than 60 professors in the Dept. of English. Even though it was a public and a secular University, the faculty and the students always addressed me as Fr.George. Some of the Professors  were members of the parish. I still remember the beautiful words of the  reference letter that was written by Dr.Frushell for my application to the Campus Ministry at C.U.

I could not remain at Terre Haute for my graduation as I had agreed to serve a parish in Bronx during the summer vacation.

But what was great was that I could finish MA within a year at ISU and leave  next year for my Ph.D. Along with regular courses, I took private courses and then opted for the thesis which reduced my length of stay at ISU.

Since I decided to join the Catholic University for my Ph.D,,I had to find a place for stay.There were no churches available in Washington D.C.The Archdiocese expressed its inability to find a place for me. But the Campus Ministry at CU offered to accept me as one of the Ministers in their Department. The Director of the Campus Ministry came to Terre Haute to interview me. He offered me the job before he went back.

So I packed everything and left by bus for New York. Mary Drummy, a retired teacher and a regular participant at the daily mass who became a good friend of mine offered me the ride to the Bus station. I was given a very warm send off on the Sunday before my departure.

There were so many people who were helpful to me while I was in Indiana.The sisters also made me feel very comfortable. Sr. Jody gave me her typewriter  to type my thesis.The sisters had also given me rides several times. It was with them that I went to Chicago for the first time in my life. It was a very happy and delightful ride. As we were approaching Chicago, we used to say aloud: “Chicago,Chicago.”

With Fr.Raih and the sisters, I went to Cincinnatti for roller coaster rides etc.

There was a family that used to come for daily masses without any break and they used to invite me to their house whenever I was free.

The University people were also very supportive of me. I had an assistantship and hence I had a room at the Department .I was teaching Grammar and Composition to freshman students.

 I left India on Dec.26^th  after my classes and  a few weeks  after I was in  the States, teaching at Indiana State University in the middle of Jan.

I had a very interesting time with students. They were very good to me. Since I appeared very young, they used to ask me often how old I was. One student who was a little elderly invited me to her farm after the exam. She used to come to my office at the Department  to request me to comment on the poems written by her young daughter who was at school.

Another time, when I was in the Dept.store, one of the students in my class came behind me and put her hands on my eyes, blinding me for a second. When I looked around , I saw that it was one of my students who had come to me  earlier for advice.

Another time, when I was watching the University home coming parade from the side walks, I heard one of my students who was the black queen in the float calling aloud , “Fr. George, Fr. George.”

In one of the courses that I took, I had a classmate Babara Murphy who was an expert in Irish music and she could play the harp very well. We used to go for rides once in a while. She would later play the harp at my farewell party at St. Matthew’s Cathedral, Washington

It was in Terre haute that I met Senator Birch Bayh, one of the senators from Indiana. I would never forget that he introduced a special bill in the Congress to legalize my residence at the insistence of some of the people from Terre Haute, when my visa change was not approved by the Immigration.

Another interesting moment was when I was invited by a family to go with them for bringing a Christmas tree for the church. We went and cut down one of the biggest trees. But, unfortunately, we could not drag it to the van. We left it there and then cut down another tree and brought it to the church to be erected there.

I had also a very delightful time when I went with the same family for water skating. Bill put the skates on my feet and then started the boat. Right away,I went down into the  lake. Of course, I was safe, I had the safety belt around me.

I had thus very interesting experiences within that one year that I lived in Terre Haute.

I was also on the local NBC channel for a half hour interview on Indian Religions.  I was invited for the interview  by the Sr. Provincial of the Sisters of Notre Dame who was in charge of the program.

During the Spring break, I went to Florida by bus via Chicago. It was a solo journey and now when I look back I wonder how I got the courage to make such a trip. During that trip , I went to Peoria to meet one of my benefactors and then spent a day in Chicago and visited the Sears Tower.

I did enjoy my stay at St. Anne’s Chruch ,Teree Haute,Indiana. There were days when I said 5 masses on Sundays ,three at St.Anne’s and  two at the Campus Ministry chapel at the University. I used to say masses for charismatic prayer groups and prayer meetings.It was the time when Catholic Charismatic prayer meetings were slowly emerging and spreading everywhere.I had written a research paper on Prayer groups in one of the courses on American culture that I took for M.A.

I was also fortunate to take two courses in counseling at the University .

After submitting my thesis, I left ,before the Convocation, for NY to work for the summer months at St.Michael’s  church,Coop city,Bronx,NY. I went by bus  to NY from Terre Haute and Fr.Matthew Muthuplakal was waiting for me at the airport to receive me.  I was late to arrive at NY  and hence he had to come  twice to the Port Authority to receive me.

He was a great mentor to me. The contact I had  with him as an altar boy while he was Associate Priest at our parish church, Thathampally ,continued all through my life with him. I had visited him while a semainrian when he was working in a parish near Kanjirapplally.I had gone with him to climb some of the small hills in Peermade.I kept in touch with him after my ordination and later while I was teaching at S.B.College.He was the one who sent a sponsoring letter for my trip to the U.S.I could ask him for any kind of help.He was a great priest. He spent the major part of his life working in the missions.He  worked as missionary in British Guiana before settling down in N.Y.

I stayed with him at his apartment while working as a summer substitute at the church. Fr.Gorman and Fr.Taglienti were the Pastors. They were very cordial to me. It was while working here that Fr. Gorman helped me to change my visa into a permanent residence.He  requested the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of New York  for papers for the change and the VG was gracious to issue me an appointment letter.

It was from NY that I got my permanent visa.  God was good to me! The VG did not even ask any questions. He just sent a letter appointing me at St. Michael’s in NY.

The six months that I spent in Bronx were very happy ones. I enjoyed the pastoral work there and the pastors were also generous in supporting me. The church in Coop City  at that  time was a temporary one, at the basement of a shopping center. All the parishioners were living in the tall skyscrapers in the Coop city. We had also a sub- station where we used to say mass on weekdays. I took the bus to say mass there. Sometimes, I walked over there to say the mass. Fr.Gorman was very encouraging and helpful .I would never forget the great help he gave me in changing me visa to a permanent resident one. Sad to say, he also left the priesthood.

We were living in the 20^th storey of one of the buildings in the Co-Op City,Bronx.I stayed with Fr.Mathew Muthuplackal. During the months he went home to India, I was alone there.

It was while there that I became friends with Joe Caputi who was living in an apartment directly opposite to us .I went to visit him when he lay sick in the hospital.I had promised to him that I would water his plants when he would be in the hospital. I took the subway one day when  he was recuperating after the surgery  in the hospital. At the hospital room, I met her daughter Mrs.Anne Fuselli whose family became my life long friends. Mrs.Fusellin then came back and stayed with her father for a few days. I met the whole family when they came to the apartment to visit Joe.Mrs.Fuselli and her family became a family  for me in the U.S. from that time onwards.It was they who took care of me while I broke my arm ,slipping on the ice, at the Catholic University.Their daugher Donna came with me when I returned to India in order to go to Calcutta to work with Mother Teresa for a month. Her work with Mother Teresa changed her life.After her graduation from the Catholic University and after a short stint as a teacher, she got married to John Kurtz and became parents to 19 adopted children.

When my summer work was over , I left for the  Catholic University, Washington D.C. by bus.

I have to mention specially the two priests, the Co-Pastors of the parish ,Frs.Gorman and Taglienti for the warm hospitality they extended to me during my stay there.

The parioshiners were  very affectionate. One of the Ushers would invite me to his apartment every Saturday night after the mass for dinner. I really enjoyedmy stay in NY and it  was a lovely time of relaxing too for me after my intense work for M.A. at Indiana State University.

Washington D.C.(1979-81)

As I was appointed a Campus Minister at the University, the Campus Ministry arranged for my stay in one of the dorms of the University.

I took the Greyhound Bus from New York to go to D.C. Mrs. Fuselli gave me the ride to the Port Authority. When I got down in Washington, I took a cab to go to the Office of the Campus Ministry .The office was closed as I was late in reaching there. But a note was left there and the Security helped me to make a call to one of the priests. They were at a party and they came to pick me up. After the party, they took me to the dorm. My room was in   the basement of the Brady Hall of the University.

I got three big rooms for my stay but I was alone there. The students were in upper floors. It took me a few days to get adjusted to the new surroundings. We had some orientation gatherings. One day, all of us working in the Campus Ministry, went to a Camp,Camp Maria, in Maryland  and we stayed there for a couple of days. All of us went to a restaurant to taste the Mayland crabcakes—which was my first.

I spent a year working as the Campus Minister for the students while continuing my classes at the University. The chairperson who admitted me to the Ph.D. program,Dr.Catherine Dunn retired and Dr .Sendry took over as the new Chairperson .I was given a fellowship which involved teaching two courses of Freshman English. I was back again in teaching while continuing as a student as well as the

Campus Minister.

They were very busy and exciting days. I used to organize prayer meetings for the students of the dorms, Brady and Shields(Girls) on every Thursday night which was attended by a regular group of students. They would share their experiences during the week, read the Scripture, give their remarks and play guitar. One of the students wrote an appreciation of the Prayer meeting in the student newspaper.

We used to have masses on Sunday nights at 9p.m.There was active participation on the part of the students  at the Eucharistic celebrations and they took leadership in organizing the choir etc. The visiting parents also would come for the mass .It was the choir that I organized for the mass who kept the all night vigil on the Catholic University Campus the day before the visit of the Holy Father John Paul ll  to the Campus.

After a year, I moved to St. Matthew’s Cathedral for a full time pastoral ministry there as an associate priest. I remember how the students shed tears at the last mass I said in the Brady hall as we were all leaving for different places after the year. The mass made them a very loving community and created great bonds of affection. I realized then how powerful was the effect produced by their participation in Eucharist.

After a year at the Campus Ministry, I moved to St.Matthew’s Cathedral and the three years I spent there were some of the most beautiful years in my life.

I had a full time job as an Associate pastor, having masses to say regularly and daily , and hearing confessions .I used to take the subway(Metro) to go to the University. I had classes to take as well as classes to teach.

I was able to meet a lot of dignitaries while I was at the Cathedral .I could meet  Mother Teresa when she came to the Cathedral along with Archbishop Hickey. I concelebrated a mass for the labor leader, George Meany at the Cathedral, at which President Carter,Vice President Mondale and lots of Senators and Cabinet Secretaries were present.

The most important visit during those years was that of John Paul ll. It was the happiest moment of my stay there. I did distribute communion along with the priests of the house at the mass celebrated by the Holy Father at the Cathedral. Later, after lunch, the Holy Father came down the stairs and met all of us, nine priests of the house, at the foot of the stairs. Even though it was late for the Holy Father to leave for the White House he found time to meet all of us. He looked at me and said, “India?”, I said “Yes, Holy Father” and kissed his ring. There was Fr. Leddy, an Irish priest standing near me and he looked at him and said  “Irish?” He replied “Yes.”Most surprising was how he looked at the young girl who was the receptionist, attending the tel. calls, and asked her whether she was Irish. She too replied  “Yes”.It was then that all the priests knew that she was Irish.

The night before the visit of the Holy Father,  the street before St. Mathew’s Cathedral was packed with people and at the time when he was having lunch, they were  chanting, “ John Paul ll, we love you.”After the lunch, he came out and asked a mike to be placed in the balcony. Then addressing the people on the street, he said, “John Paul ll, he loves you.” There was a thunderous ovation from the street.

From there he left for the White House. Later, I attended the mass on the Mall ,the spacious open grounds in Washington D.C. and distributed communion at the mass. Many of my friends later told me that they had seen me  on TV distributing communion on the Mall.

Years later,when the Holy Father was shot at in the Vatican, the mass that I concelebrated with Bishop Marino was also telecast .All the TV channels were present there at the Cathedral to telecast the mass and the homily.

Cardinal Baum used to come to the rectory for lunch and would spend some time with us. He used to ask me about my progress in writing the dissertation as he was familiar with the  writings of Walker Percy on whom I was doing my research.

I had a picture taken with him while he came for breakfast after the midnight mass on Christmas Day. I also did take pictures of  the other priests, standing with  him.

 I was busy as well a s very much involved in everything, while working at St.Matthew’s.

My stay there helped me to pursue my studies at the University as well as offered me opportunities of meeting  some famous people.

I have to mention specially the courtesy and the affableness of the Pastor, Msgr. Quinn. He was very good to me in the sense that he allowed me to work there. Even after I left St. Matthew’s, he would send me regularly Christmas cards every year until his death in 20010.

I have also to  mention specially the love and affection of Msgr.Gerhardt  who was the Tribunal at the chancery. He always found time to make us happy  through his friendship and guidance.

It was while I was at the University that I broke my arm slipping on the ice on the University Campus. As I was carefully walking to the Library, one of the students , a Japanese girl, greeted me and as I looked up  to respond to her , I slipped and broke my arm. I was taken to the Providence hospital, and there stayed for a night. My arm was put in a sling. I stayed for a couple of days at the rectory and then Mercy and Joseph came to pick me to take their house. Anne  and Nat Fuselly came there  and picked me up and I stayed with them a couple of weeks. Then, St. Matthew’s called me and I came back and although I could not say mass, I began to hear confessions. I also went to the University for my classes. I began my teaching with my right arm in the sling.

When I look back, it is a total surprise for me to find how I survived these ordeals. God was with me. That is all I can say.

My classes at the University went very smoothly. When I had finished taking all the required courses, I applied for Comprehensives. I had to read intensely to prepare for the Comps. It was a four day, four hour long, grueling exam. I passed all of them with good grades. Then, I was declared capable of writing the dissertation. I was given six months to prepare the synopsis. The first was one was rejected and then I had to resubmit it with changes, incorporating responses to their queries. When that was approved , I was permitted to prepare for the dissertation .It was during this time that I broke my arm and hence I lost some valuable time in the preparation of my thesis. Since the Library of Congress was nearby, I could go there regularly  to get relevant materials.

I would write and then have them typed. I bought a new electric typewriter for this purpose. It was easy typing on it. Every day I would write 20 or 25 pages. After necessary corrections , the fair copies were given to the members of the dissertation committee. The three of them went through it and gave their suggestions and corrections. I did incorporate their suggestions and made necessary changes and then submitted the fair copy for the approval of the University .I had a friend who typed the whole dissertation for me. He used to assist at the mass and he was also a secretary to Henry Kissinger at George Town University.

In the end, the University announced a date for the defense of my thesis and on that date , I had to appear before a committee appointed by the University and defend my thesis , responding to their questions. When it was all over, the Chairman of the committee , after a private meeting among themselves , informed me that I had  passed  and offered me congratulations. I was declared a Ph .D. Scholar. That was a moment of pure joy and excitement. The next day, the Pastor announced at the mass I said that I did get my Ph.D. from the University and offered the congratulations of the parish.

Terre Haute, Indiana(1976-78)

My first years in the United States were spent at St.Anne's church, Terre Haute, Indiana. I left  India on Dec.26,1976 and reached the Kennedy aiport on Dec.28.Fr.Muthuplakal, Fr.Jose Alencherry and Fr. Thomas Ettoly were at the airport to recieve me.After spending three days in New York , I left for Indianapolis airport and from there by a small commuter plane to Terre Haute, Indiana.
The Pastor Don was there at the airport and hecalled me by name and we left the airport for the church.thus began my days in he States. After a few days, he took me to the University to register for the new semster. I was introduced the the Sunday after to the Congregation.I met the Sisters who were teaching at t he School there and from the first day onwards , I began to say masses at the church. I would say masses daily eithr in t he morning or in the evening.The people of St.Anne's were very freindly and nice to me and in enjoyed my stay there.There were a few families who were very friendly and one of the older ladies of the parish , Mary Drummy wo was a retired teached used to give a lot of rides from the church to the school .
The sisters were also very friendly and my first visit to Chicago was made  in their comapnay.Our trip to Chicago was verye exciting and   every one shouted"Chicago" when we were nearng the city. I visited then the CTU, Lake Shore, the Diocesan TV center and other places. I did also experience the harhsness of the weather of Chicago for the first time then.
The whole place  in Indiana was covered with snow in the wnter and we would  have to  wait until the end of April for the snow to disappear.It was a big change from someone coming from India to be introduced right way to the heartland of snow and cold.

Priestly Ministry

Sometimes in my vacant moments the thoughts would come to me whether I did accomplish anything in my life.As a priest, I was a silent wayfarer in this long march of humanity. For most of the people, they have families to think of .Through their work and sacrifice, they struggle hard to form future generations.Their children carry the imprint of their lives for generations to come.Their sacrifices and their struggles bear fruit in the lives of their children.Others through their positions of political or social prominence have left their impact on the society.What about us , priests? What are our legacies?

The word s of Gerard Manley Hopkins in one of his sonnets known as the Terrible Sonnets do beautifully express my misgivings about priestly life. Speaking of the birds,he said, they build.At least they build their nests.But priests--What do they have?Nothing. Moving from place to place, having no roots, they leave no foot prints behind.

Our impact on people is easily forgotten.People may sometimes for a little longer period remember us but once we get older and move away from the scene of our activities, we are often forgotten.We become distant memories as the people of our age move or fade away from life.

Is there any message that I can give from my life? All that I have is what every Christian has--my faith in Jesus and my love for him.I know He will not abandon me. That is all I have. I f I lose that there would be nothing in my life that would give me peace and joy. No Bishop, no priest will be there to support me.The same is also true with regard to me too. I won't be there to support them. Each one is on his own. It is that thinking that is sometimes frightening.

At this age of my life, I do have very few friends with whom I can communicate freely and openly.Those with whom I have worked have moved away or are in places where I cannot reach.

I don't think any one has seriously studied the inner lives of priests. Most of the priests from the Indian background that I have come across are concerned with their position in the church and hence their interest is in keeping a good and balanced relationship with their Bishop.It is a life of total dependence.Of course, their faith and love of Jesus will keep them safe and happy in their personal lives.

By the grace of God, in my personal life, as I was teaching in the college, I was protected by the laws of the State from the vengeance or envy of others. Also my Bishops were very considerate to me and they gave me a lot of opportunities for service. I am thankful to them because without their support, I would not have come to this position in my life. I have only words of gratitude to them and to also all the good priests that I worked with at Chanancherry ,Kerala.

I have only words of joy and thanks at this age in my life.I have to praise and thank the Lord for those blessings.

What gives strength to priests is their faith in and love for the Lord.There was a lot of emotional tensions in my life on account of the celibate life that I have chosen. It is because of the pure grace of God and of his unbounded mercy and forgiveness that I am able to continue my ministry.

So, do I have a message for others? What have I learned in my life? What can I tell others?

Just what Jesus has told us---Love one another.Show respect to others.

With regard to priests, I have to say the following:" Don't speak ill of others, priests or lay people.Do what we can in the best way possible.We should not step on the toes of others for our personal advancement."

Our prayer life should make us more soft and gentle, forgiving and compassionate and not hard-hearted and arrogant.What is the meaning of our prayers if we cannot talk to someone in a very understanding manner ?Our prayers and observances of rituals will be only smokescreens , hiding our selfishness and arrogance, if we are not compassionate and loving.

President Carter and President Clinton

President Carter came to St.Matthew's Cathedral along with the Vice President and many senators at the funeral mass for George Meaney , one of the great labor leaders of the States.I was a concelebrant at the mass and after the mass, as we walked down the aisle, President Carter was walking just behind us. After exchanging a few words with the Pastor, he walked out of the Cathedral.

I had a chance to shake hands with President Clinton when I was working at St.Patrick's church.

He came for the inauguration of the new CIA building which is just a block away from St.Patrick's.Our Pastor , Msgr.Vaghi gave the invocation.All of us priests were invited for the function.After the inaugural function, The President greeted all of us who were there.

I had a chance to see President Reagan after the election when he came to visit the Republican Head Quarters which was across the street from St.Matthew's.It was a view from a short distance as I was returning from my classes at the Catholic University. In that way , I was able to see or meet three Presidents of the U.S. during my stay in the U.S.

Mother Teresa

After my M.A. examination in 1970, along with a priest-friends of mine form the college, I went to Calcutta with the desire of seeing Mother Teresa and knowing more about her work.We stayed at St.Xavier's college,Calcutta and fro there went to see Mother teresa's lace.We were disappointed when we found out that she was not there.But we spent time with the sisters there and visited the places where the infants and the dying people were nursed and cared for.We some to some of the sisters. There was only one foreign-born sister and she was form Germany. She was young sister and we asked her how she joined the Congregation.She then narrated her story.She came as a visitorfor the Eucharistic Congress in Bombay and at one of the receptions given by the Bombay Archdiocese, she was sitting opposite to Mother Teresa.She noticed that Mother was looking at her specially at the time of the meal.After the meal was over, she walked over to Mother Teresa and inquired why she was looking at her. The Mother replied that she would give her a saree if she would join her group. She went back to Germany but then could not remain there.She felt the pull of Mother Teresa's words and she returned to Calcutta to join her Congregation.

I was really elated when one day after breakfast, one of the priests who was the Director of Communications for the Diocese mentioned that Mother Teresa would be coming to St.Matthew's Cathedral.

At 11 a.m., she came to the Cathedral, accompanied by Archbishop Hickey. Some of the Spanish Catholics who heard about her arrival were waiting at the steps of the Cathedral to greet her.they sang songs as she walked up the steps to the Cathedral.

After spending some time in prayer, she walked around the Cathedral. I had some pictures taken with her with the Archbishop.When I told her that I was from Changanacherry, she right away mentioned that she had no convent in Changanacherry.

I felt really happy when I got a chance to see and meet her at St.Matthew's Cathedral.

Meeting with John Paul ll in D.C.

One of the happiest moments in my life came with the arrival of Pope John Paul ll in Washington D.C. in 1979.The Holy Father said mass at St.Matthew's Cathedral for the priests and invited guests.After the mass, he had lunch with the Cardinals at the rectory.Nine of us priests who worked at the rectory were told that we would be able to meet the Holy Father as he came down the stairs after the lunch.We were waiting at the foot of the stairs .The Holy Father was going from there straight to the white House. Archbishop Marcinkus who was coming with him stretched out his hand in front of us saying that the Holy Father had no time as he was getting late for the meeting with the President.But , then, Cardinal Baum, took the Holy father, behind the outstretched hands of the Archbishop and introduced all of us to him. When he came to me, he asked whether I was from India and I kissed his hand and said :"Yes."That was the first time in my life , I have ever come closer to a Pope.

The night before, the street in front of St.Matthew's was occupied by people.We could see in the wee hours of the morning, people bringing their chairs and sitting in the middle of the street.While the Holy Father was having lunch,people who were waiting for him , were shouting, "John Paul ll, we love you ". After the lunch, he asked the Pastor to bring a mike to the balcony and responded to the acclamation of the people, saying" John paul ll, he loves you." There was a thunderous applause from the people, hearing those words from the Holy Father.I had the privilege of distributing communion at the mass at the Cathedral and later at the Mall.

This was first and last time I had ever got chance to meet the Pope and speak to him.

Later, during my visit to Rome in 1980, I was present at the General audience.

By that time, Cardinal Baum moved to Rome and I met him at his apartment.Through him, I could have got a private audience with the Holy Father.Since I had already met him in Washington D.C., I did not show much interest for such an event.

The people I met in the U.S.-3

Bennet Williams

Bennet Williams was one of the top defense lawyers of the U.S. What impressed me most was his presence at the mass.On Saturdays, the priest himself would open the door of the church for the morning mass at 7a.m. at St.Matthew's Cathedral. Every Saturday, when I opened the church, the first person,I would meet was Bennet Williams. This was a great source of inspiration.

There is a big law firm carrying his name in Washington D.C.

William Conway

Bill Conway is the M.D. of the Carlyle corporation and was a a regular attendee at the morning masses at St.Patrick's church.One day after the morning mass, as I was greeting the people, he came towards me told how appreciative he was of my short homilies focussed on Jesus at the morning masses.

He helped the Syro-Malabar Diocese several times through his generous contributions.

Fr.Paul Liston and Msgr.Michael Farina

They both were good friends while I was working as an Associate Pastor at St.Patrick's.We had very lively conversations after meals at the dining table and I have often gone with them on their trips to Southern Maryland.I sorely missed their company when I left Washington for Chicago.In Chicago, I was living mostly with young priests who came from India who did not have much experience or University education.Their narrow vision was evident in their conversations.It was very difficult to engage them in conversations that touched on American culture or life.

Mike who passed away a few months ago was a great person who was always encouraging and inspiring.When Mike celebrated his 50th Ordination anniversary, I went from Chicago to D.C. to participate in the mass as well as in the reception.

Fr.Liston is a great scholar and a historian.I used to gather a lot of information about the history of the American church from my conversations with him.

In my life in Chicago, I miss people like them.

The people I met in the U.S.--Senator Patrick Moynihan

Senator Patrick Moynihan

Senator Moynihan was a regular participant at the Sunday masses at St.Patrick's church,Washington D.C.He as formerly a Professor at Harvard University and later, the U.S.ambassador to India.

I have always been impressed by the faith and humility of Moynihan.If any usher was absent, Moynihan would come forward to take up the collections during the mass.After the Sunday mass, Moynihan would stand up and face the organist and listen to his playing of the organ after the mass.

When I was standing in the vestibule of the church after the mass, greeting the congregation, he would come and express his appreciative comments about my homilies.One sunday , he came to tell me that one of the quotes I used for the homily at the mass , was penned by one of his friends at Harvard.

As I did not get a chance to bid goodbye when I left Washington for Chicago, I sent him a note thanking him for his appreciative comments.But soon after, he got sick and passed away .One of the doctors who treated him at GW hospital had told me alter that when he was brought to the

hospital, he spoke to his wife about me and she mentioned that she had received a note from me.

The people I met in the U.S.--Sargent Shriver

Sargent Shriver was the Director of the Peace Corps and the brother-in-law of the late President John F.Kennedy. The first time I met him was at the RFK stadium,Washington D.C. I had gone there to watch a football game with Msgr.Louis Quinn, the Pastor of St.Matthew's Cathedral.The box in which we were seated was next to that of the Kennedys. There I met Ethel Kennedy, the wife of late Senate Robert Kennedy.

Sargent Shriver , when he heard that I was from Kerala, spoke about the political situation of Kerala and about the communist rule in Kerala through elections.

Later, when I was at St.Patrick's church, Sargent Shriver and his wife, Eunice Shriver ,were seen coming for the masses in the evening.One day, he came after the mass and asked me whether he could receive communion as he was late to come.I offered him communion even though it was not a practice at St.Patrick's.

Eunice Shriver has often showed her appreciation for the homilies I preached at the masses.

People I met in the U.S.--Msgr.Louis Qinn

Msgr.Louis Quinn of St.Matthew's Cathedral

As I was finishing up my first year Catholic University, I was looking for a parish to work during the summer as the dorm where I stayed would be closed for the holidays.It was one of the Malaylee families that suggested to me to contact St.Matthew's Cathedral.One day, I called for the Pastor and talked to him expressing my desire to wrk there for the coming summer if there was a possibility.He graciously invited me for dinner .I accepted the invitation and went there one evening.I was totally surprised in seeing more than eight priests, all clerically dressed for the dinner.When they heard that I was doing my Ph.D. in English, one of them asked me about a recent novel that became a hit--The Thorn Birds. Fortunately, I read the novel while I was in New York , the previous summer. I saw people reading the novel in the subways and at various reception counters.I thought then of reading f the book , even though I had heard about the book in one of my classes for M.A. at the Indiana state University. One of the students gave a copy of the book to one of the Professors, telling him to read it as it was very interesting.Then, I did not think of reading it.

My discussion of the theme of the book opened the hearts of all very favorably towards me. Then the Pastor invited me to watch the TV along with them for a few more minutes and told me that they would be happy to have me right away and that I could stay there not only during the summer but until the end of my studies. But,I had to finish six more months at the dorm as I signed up as a Campus minister for a year at C.U.

The stay at St.Matthew's opened a whole new world for me.It gave me the chance of meeting some of the greatest Catholics and leaders of the world.

Msgr.Lou Quinn was a perfect gentleman. He was a great conversationalist at the dining table.He was the only one one always talking at table and he was very smooth and gracious. During all the three years I was there, there arose no controversies or disputes.All were treated very cordially.

Even after I left St.Matthew's Cathedral, he was very regular in writing to me every Christmas and sending me mass intentions. It has been a few moths since he passed away.Even the Christmas before, he sent me a Christmas card , with his special notes , giving an update of his activities.He is someone I can never forget in my life.May his soul rest in peace.

Families-2

The Fusellis

When I was working as a substitute for Fr.Mathew Muthuplakal at St.Michael's church, Bronx, I was living on the 24th floor of one of apartments in Co-Op city, Bronx.Opposite to our floor was the one occupied by Joe Caputi. When Joe was going to the hospital for a surgery, he asked me whether I could water the plants in his apartment. But his surgery became complicated and hence his daughter Anne Fuselli came to be with him for a few weeks.Anne was at the hospital when I went to see Joe. That was the beginning of my friendship with the Fusellis. Anne and her husband, Nat later invited me to spend the Thanksgiving at their house in my first year at the Catholic University.

From that time onwards, they became a family for me and they had invited me to their home for several of their Christmases and other celebratory occasions.I have also stayed a few times at their summer apartment at the Ocean city.That apartment had a beautiful view of the ocean.

When I broke my arm, slipping on the ice at the Campus of the Catholic University, they invited me to their house and I stayed there almost two weeks.

When their eldest son ,Frank, had a terrible motor bike accident, I went to visit him at the hospital before the surgery.

Anne's mother , Josephine too was also very loving and considerate.

At Christmas times , I met their extended families and became friends with all.

Their daughter ,Donna, came with me , on one of my visits to India, as she was going to Mother Teresa's place in Calcutta.Her stay in Calcutta had transformed her in such a powerful way that she became very considerate and loving to those who are less fortunate. Donna and her husband, John, decided to adopt children and they have now 18 adopted children five under guardianship. They both are remarkable examples of powerful witnesses to the Catholic faith.Their house is a model house of Catholic prayer life and living.They are not only home schooling their children but are also homeschooling more than 100 kids. Already one of their daughters has decided has to join a convent and one boy has joined the Seminary.

I said a mass recently for them at their place and I was really impressed by their lively participation in the mass. Their daily prayers, hours of adoration and attendance at masses are examples of great Christian living that we don't find in any official Catholic houses of prayer.

Anne is a great source of support for them.

Anne is like a sister for me, helping me in a lot of things while I have been here in the States.

She guided me when I experienced difficulties and challenges and encouraged me to become active in charismatic prayer groups.

It was she who encouraged Donna to go on a trip to India to spend some weeks at Mother Teresa's convent.

She had once arranged for me to meet with Walker Percy, the novelist on whose works I did my dissertation, when he came to address a gathering in one of the Smithsonian museums.Walker Percy autographed the book I published on his works.It is at that gathering that I was able to talk to Percy personally although he was gracious enough to respond to me whenever I wrote to him while doing my research on his novels.

I am deeply grateful to her for all her support and enceouragment.

The people I met in the U.S.-2

Dr.Catherine Dunn

When I applied to the Catholic University for my Ph.D, I was interviewed on the phone by Dr.Dunn.She did all the paper work and sent me the final admission letter to the Ph.D.program.She also gave me assistantship.I was very happy when I got the admission letter.I was excited about the project of living in Washington D.C. and also of the opportunity to pursue my studies at the Catholic University , one of the prestigious graduate schools in the country.

By the time I joined the University,Dr.Dunn retired from her post as the Chairperson of the Dept. but I had a chance to meet her a few times while I was there.

When I passed my Ph.d. exam , she sent me a book with a note congratulating me.

Dr.Joe Sendry

When I started my classes at the Catholic University, it was Dr.Sendry who was the Chairman.I remember the happy day when he met me as I came out of the library telling me that I was awarded a fellowship.That meant, I was given a higher assistantship along with my duty of teaching two courses at the University.It was a big boost to my morale.The fellowship continued unto the end of my studies at the University.It gave me a lot of financial freedom as by that time I was also given a monthly remuneration for my work at St.Matthew's Cathedral.

Dr.Sendy did his Ph.D. at Harvard University. He once mentioned the he had attended a course given by I.A.Richards, one of the great critics of English Literature.

Dr.Sendry taught Victorian Literature and I had taken a few courses given by him. He was also the chairman of my thesis committee.He was helpful to me in many ways while I was a student there.

When St.Matthew's Cathedral arranged a farewell dinner party as I was leaving D.C. for India, I invited him for the party and he was gracious enough to accept it.He once gave me a book with his congratulatory note and told me how happy and proud he was directing my dissertation.

Every Christmas , I used to receive his greetings along with all the updates about his life at the University and we have kept in touch with each other all these years.

The familiesI met in the U.S.-1

The Secrests,Terre Haute,Indiana

There was one family at Terre Haute , Indiana who was a member of the parish of St.Anne's ,1440 Locust street,Terre haute, Indiana.They had 6 children at that time and they would all come for the masses.Two of the boys ,Michael and Ray, were very friendly with me.The family was always present for the daily masses, and the mother, Marie Secrest would read at the masses.They would invite me often to their houses for meals.I would walk over to their house from the church.Some times, I would play games with them.

I remember one day going with them to cut down a Christmas tree from a big nursery where they had a large number of Christmas trees.We cut down a very big tree but we could not drag it to the truck. Then, we cut down a smaller one and carried it to the church.

Another time, they invited me to go for water skiing with them on a summer day.They came to the university and picked me up.I put on the skiis on my feet and the boat sped along.I plunged into the water and was kept afloat because of the life belt.

I also did go with them for berry picking one day early in the morning at 4a.m.This family , thus gave me an inkling into some of the American ways of life.

The People I met in the U.S.-1

Dr.Misenheimer

Dr.Misenheimer was the Head of the Dept. of English,Indiana State University.He had more than 60 professors in the Dept.It was one of the largest Depts. of English that I had seen. He invited us to his house on different occasions and I had a very good relationship with him.He in fact urged me to remain in Indiana to watch the beauty of the Fall season.He was gracious enough to grant me assistantship and because of that I was able to teach two courses in English while taking my graduate courses.I was also enjoying the privileges of the faculty as I had my own room in the Dept.

I still remember seeing his large library at home where he received and entertained us.

Dr.Weixelmann

I worked with Dr.Weixelman in different ways.He was the Editor of the Black American Literature forum and I was appointed the Assistant Editor to work with him.I did some of the editorial work for the magazine with him.I also took independent reading lessons in Hemingway with him.His room is opposite to mine and hence we got more time to work together.Just I left the Indiana State University for Washington D.C., he also left the University for the University of North Carolina.He is now the Dean of Graduate studies at St.Louis University.

His wife, Sherry, too helped me in many ways.

Christian Moore

I have to be deeply grateful to Fr.Christian Moore.He is one of the great and generous priests that I have met in my life. I am sorry to note that he left priesthood.He was the chaplain of the Campus Ministry at the Indiana State University.He was the one who arranged for my admission and stay at the Indiana State University.I worked with the Campus Ministry as a Campus Minister and it gave me a lot of opportunities to work with the University students.There were Sundays when I said both the masses at the University.One of he students would come to St.Anne;s church,Terre Haute and would pick me up for the masses and drop me later after the masses.

Fr.Moore was there always to help me whenever I needed some help.He helped me also when I needed someone to pick Fr.Patrick who came to interview me for a post at the Campus ministry,Catholic University of America.

While working at the Campus Ministry at I.S.U., I also went to say mass at Rose Hulman institute of Technology.I had an interesting experience one day when I wen t to say the mass.The student who came to pick me up for the mass had the key of the hall where the mass was to be said. But as he reached the place, he searched his pocket and found that the key was not with him.He felt very embarrassed as the students were waiting outside to enter the hall.What I saw then was an unbelievable act from a student. He was on his knees and he prayed to God to help him.As he stood up and looked around, he saw the key of the hall lying in front of him.

I can never forget all the help Fr.Christian gave me.In a way , it was his help that opened the door of the University education in the United States for me.For, from the Indiana State, I could move to the Catholic University,Washington D.C. for my Ph.D.

Reflections

Now, that I am retired from my ministry here, I am wondering whether these long years of my ministry were beneficial to any one.There is nothing tangible out there for me to see whether my life was effective.

For more than 40 years I have ministered as a priest.Was it a waste of time or life?Was I faithful to my vocation? What does that faithfulness mean?

People often speak of priests as alter Christus. How often did I live like alter Christus?I have not found much meaning in these expressions.They are good for developing a theology of priesthood.But how many priests in their personal lives are Christ-like to those who live with them or interact with them?

We are all weak , fragile human beings, carrying with us our own little prejudices, ambitions, arrogance or selfishness. Very rarely do we find among ourselves people who can exemplify in their lives the qualities of a Christ-centered life.

We are all wounded healers, to use a famous phrase of Henri Nouwen. When we do the works of healing, we are quite aware that we too need healings in our lives. We are wounded healers and hence it is presumptuous to expect perfection in our lives.

I have often held in my heart the belief that what characterizes us as priests is our love and compassion.Without these qualities, it would be impossible for us to reflect Christ.Our administrative skills, our eloquence or our personal accomplishments are just a mask and do not mean much unless we have love and sensitivity in our lives.

Many a time, I think, we are hollow men, to use a phrase of T.S.Eliot.The shadow falls between us and the reality.We are not reflecting Christ.

Looking at my life , I often see these shadows.I often wonder whether my life was worthwhile.Have I done anything good? Outwardly, I may have worked for Christ through my works in different fields. But many are the times when those good actions of mine have been submerged in the dungeons of selfishness.

Where is the kernel of my spiritual life? Have I done something good in my life?It is so difficult to evaluate my priestly life. I see only warts and spots in my life.

It is in these moments of deep inner troubles that I am comforted by the words of Thomas Merton and Fulton J.Sheen.

Merton says in one of his prayers: " I am seen by you under the sky, and my offenses have been forgotten by you--but I have not forgotten them. Only one thing I ask; that the memory of them should not make me afraid to receive into my heart the gift of love--which you have placed in me....remembering that I have been a sinner, I will love you in spite of what I have been, knowing that my love is precious because it is yours,rather than my own."(Thoughts in Solitude)

Bishop Sheen has the following to say about his life which is applicable to the lives of all priests: "I now am not afraid to appear before Him.And this is not because I am worthy, nor because I have loved Him with deep intensity but because He has loved me.That is why we are lovable. When the Lord puts His love into us,then we become lovable."(Treasure in Clay).

At this fag end of my life, I have to prepare myself well for my final journey.

God is giving me time to show those qualities of love and compassion more thoroughly.There is no need of thinking about what could have been done.Whatever that was done was done.It is our intention that matters.

Another thing that I have to bear in mind is that I am what I am.Our Lord does not want us to be what we are not.With all our warts and defects, we are called to reflect him.

As our Holy Father, Pope the Benedict XVI has expressed beautifully well in his book,"God and the World", we do not have to be afraid of God because He is our Father.He knows who we are , our sins and weaknesses.

That means we don't have to feel dejected or frustrated.We can be happy and joyful.As Therese of Lisieux says, in her autobiography, even the small flowers are created by God and they have their own beauty just like roses and lilies.

"I understand how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy."

I do feel often that my responsibilities are over and that I don't have to accomplish much in my life.Even physically, there is not much I can do. My walking has become slower and my physical energy is waning.Even though, I don't feel it, I can see it coming.So, I have to prepare myself for the coming days of slowness and a less prominent public life.

What Malcolm Muggeridge has spoken about the evening of his life is true of any one reaching that stage in one's life: "So like a prisoner awaiting his release,like a school boy when the end of the term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone."

Vicar General

Vicar General

It was in one early morning that I got a phone call from Antony Planthara telling me that a new diocese was created for the Syro-Malabar Catholics and that Fr.Jacob Angadiath was appointed the first Bishop.I called Fr.Angadiath a few hours later and offered my congratulations.He had just returned from the Archdiocese of Chicago after being officially intimated of his appointment.

In July 2001, I went to Chicago for the Syro-Malabar Catholic convention as well as for the Consecration.

Fr.Vayalil and Fr.Thomas Puthiyadom joined me while in Chicago for the Convention and we stayed in a private house .

After a few weeks, I was told by Fr.Antony Kurilacherry before his departure for India that I would get a call from Chicago and that I should accept the offer. Later. when Abp.Powathil came to Washington D.C. to stay with me for a couple of days, he told me that I would be asked to be the Vicar General and that I should accept the offer.

It was a tough time of decision for me.I felt very comfortable in my life in Washington D.C. I enjoyed my pastoral ministry there. I had also very good friends. I also knew that it would not be easy working with Malaylees as there would also be groups and cliques among them. I did not like to spend any more of my days in a place that has a severe winter weather. I was very restless that night reflecting on the suggestion of the Archbishop.In the end, I decided to accept the offer. Later, when Bp.Mar Angadiath called me to find out whether I would be willing to accept the offer, I gave my consent. Once more, I had to decide on change and move.

It was at one of the clergy meetings in Chicago that the Bishop made the announcement of the appointment of the Vicars General. He did not want me to move to Chicago, then.

But when the Bishop fell ill and when he was not able to carry on his duties properly, he wanted me to move to Chicago.

Hence, I decided to move to Chicago in the last week of August after celebrating my birthday at St.Patrick’s.

There was a great farewell party at the church. Many people invited me out for dinners and wrote very appreciative letters.

One of the memorable things was my meeting with Mr.Bill Conway,the MD of the Carlyle Corporation.He met me after one of the morning masses and when he learned that I was leaving for Chicago, he gave his business card and told me to contact him at any time when I felt any need for assistance in my pastoral ministry.He sent me later very generous contributions to help the diocese on different occasions.He helped the diocese when I organized the first youth Conference at Mundeline Seminary, Chicago .Also the diocese was helped to establish communication instruments when we moved to our Cicero office.

I have to remember specially the great and generous help from Abraham Kallrakal (Ittyrachan) and George Kallarakal (Vakachan) who offered to drive me to Chicago from Washington D.C. with all my books and belongings.I am deply thankful to them for their great sacrifice and love. Because of their help, my move to Chicago became much easier.

Moving to Bellwood from Washington D.C. was going to some rural place in India.

It is a small town , with no activities etc.The church had a small room for me to stay.But somehow I did not feel any difficulty in living there even though it was a strange place to live.There would be a lot of noise on weekends from the people who used to rent the adjacent hall for weekend parties.

It was a small group that came for the morning masses and not the kind of people going for work that I used to meet at St.Patrick's in Washington D.C. I really missed the congregation of Washington D.C.they were mostly professionals and working in important firms and offices in Washington D.C.always , there would be new people for the masses.

The people of Bellwood church were not aware of the development of the diocese and hence,they were complaining that the diocese was not active.I called a meeting of the people after one Sunday mass and explained to them about the establishment of parishes and missions in different parts of the country.

I did also encourage the starting of a Diocesan monthly called,The Syro-Malabar News which has become defunct now.

The first trip we made together as a curia was to the Orange County when a new but a small church was purchased and consecrated for the community there.Parishes were established in Houston, Philadelphia and Florida

I had to go to Florida a few times for negotiations with the Archbishop of Miami for the transfer of the church they bought for the Indian community for the use of the Syro-Malabar Catholics in Florida.

Within the last ten years, more than 20 parishes were established and I am glad that I was there to support the initiatives from many of these parishes in their growth and development.

It was also possible to hold a National Conference of college-going youths at the Mundeline Seminary in 2004.It was held because of the requests of many of the parents to have something done for the youths.Many parents and well-wishers supported the Conference and it was a youth team under Jensen,Manoj,Sunil and Sindhu that took up the responsibility of running the Conference.I twas attended by youth representatives of the major regions and parishes of the diocese.

Reflections

When I look back after so many years of ministry in the priesthood, I am thankful to the Lord for all the graces given to me in my life.

The only aim in my life was to make known the name of Jesus and make people aware of the immensity of His love.It is for that I became a priest and I have remained faithful to that call in my life.My Lord is everything in my life.I have used all the opportunities and ministerial position I got in my life to spread the love of Jesus.In my life at the college, I was very careful not to do anything that would distract people from that love that Jesus taught us to have in our lives.

At the beginning of my seminary life I made a promise never to use at any time in my life any derogatory words about others . I was always watchful about my words and comments when interacting with people who opposed my views and policies.

I would tell myself and others what would we gain if we create situations for others to fall away from the love of Christ.

When I was the Principal of the college, even when I had to take very drastic actions, I took maximum care through my words to parents and students to make them realize that there was no hatred or hostility in my actions and words.

My intention was to create the best atmosphere in the college, intellectually and professionally.I was happy to encourage all kinds of activities that would enhance the lives of the students as well as of the staff.

What we need in our life is respect and consideration for others. Our Christian faith should make us more reverential and sensitive.Instead of that, very often find the dominance of arrogance and dominance in our life under the guise of spirituality.

I strongly believed in a greater role of the laity in the Church. As my father was a bank professional and one of the people who got a University education which was very rare in his time, I was brought up under the shadow of a greater awareness of the power and capabilities of the laity.Also, as all of my life time was spent with University teachers, I was always respectful of the talents of the laity.I firmly believe that we should do all that is possible to make our lay faithful emerge as partners in our ministry .

In my ministry among the Syro-Malabr Catholics , I have always given a lot of emphasis to the role of the laity.This is a country, where the laity can play a greater role in the fields of evangelization and witnessing. The mindsets of priests and people have to undergo a sea change. The lay people still hang on to the coattails of the clergy for leadership , instead of chalking out a way for themselves as responsible Catholics who have the capability and faith to witness to Christ in their professions.

Some of us , priests, still cling to very narrow interpretations of the laws of the church and make as many difficulties as possible for the laity when they ask for some flexibility and adjustments.We carry with us some of the traditional mindsets that we have acquired in Kerala.

There should be more flexibility and willingness to adapt to the changes we see around us, without forgetting the importance that is to be given to the fostering of the faith in Christ among our people.If we make the practice of faith a burden for our people, then, they would be reluctant to belong to our community.Our intention is to spread the faith and make people the followers of our Lord.

The establishment of the Diocese is a wonderful opportunity for us to use the resources of the country to make our ministry of evangelization more effective.Instead of bringing every antiquated tradition of our mother land, we should strive to help our people to establish strong roots of faith in this country in a stable manner.

The Syro-Malabar Catholics should also get involved in the Catholic issues of this country as responsible and mature Catholics.Most of our people , instead of developing their personal initiatives, still want to depend on the clergy for a role in the pubic forum.Many of them are satisfied with the minimum and they are satisfied with the roles they get as CCD teachers or as altar servers.

This country offers a lot of opportunities to the laity for their further education in the faith. Those who have leadership skills should become prepared to be public spokespersons of the faith.

We have a lot of people who have proved themselves to be very successful in their professional fields.When it comes to matters of faith, they become silent witnesses and do not take upon themselves the responsibility of articulating their faith in the public was well as living it.

Many of the priests who work in the diocese are also reluctant to use their spare time for improving their knowledge of the faith.They still continue here their way of life in India and do not improve themselves professionally , making use of the resources available here.With books and educational tools available at their door step, they can do much to improve their educational advancement.

We do have to establish very good links with our neighboring parishes and dioceses and become partners with them in the spread of the faith.

Our young people who are in colleges should be encouraged to approach their faith in a mature way.With the minimum of the religious knowledge they have acquired in the CCD classes , they won't be able to confront the skepticism and questioning attitudes they face in their very liberally-oriented class rooms.They have to become familiar with the works of intellectuals who are good practitioners of the faith.

More importance should be given to the time constraints of the liturgical celebrations. The priests should show much more awareness in the preparation of their sermons and the sermons should be delivered with great effectiveness and zest.

Taking into account of the culture in which we live, we have to show more flexibility and understanding in dealing with one another.

It is often forgotten that our children are growing up in a new land and that they are citizens of the US and not of India.The traditions and rituals imported from India have no meaning for our young people here.

The Diocese should have a vision for the future with regard to making the faith more relevant and meaningful to the people.

Small disputes and squabbles among our people suck up a lot of energy from the community.Sometimes the attitudes and disputes would make us wonder whether we are Christians.

The authorities should also be in the forefront in the expression of sensitivity and compassion.Opposing points of view should not be treated as inimical.It is necessary for pastors and those who hold positions of authority to be more pro-active.They should take into account with due seriousness points of view that are not in consonance with theirs.

Priestly Spirituality

,Saturday, July 24, 2010

Diocesan Spirituality-A Reflection

The following is a reflection on the Priestly Year

Holy Father Pope Benedict XV1 proclaimed on Friday 19, June 2009, the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus , in celebration of the 150^th birth anniversary of St. John Mary Vianney ,2009-10 as the Year of Priests to highlight the meaning and the importance of Priesthood. Declaring the celebration, he said: “ I think of all those priests who quietly present Christ’s words and actions each day to the faithful and to the whole world, striving to be one with the Lord in their thoughts and labors.” Without any note of triumphalism, the Holy Father pointed out the greatness and awesomeness of the priestly gift, acknowledging at the same time that this gift is given to weak and fragile human beings.

Because of the various scandals associated with a few priests in the U.S. and Europe, there was a widespread diminution of the image of the priesthood in the secular media. All the good that was accomplished by the sacrificial lives of thousands of priests all across the world was misrepresented. The consolation and comfort offered by the clergy to millions of people in their spiritual struggles have been very callously ignored. Who can give a satisfactory account of the millions of hours the priests have spent in consoling and comforting the bereaved, in offering spiritual support to the millions who have come to the confessionals, in administering the sacraments, in offering the Eucharist from day-break to sunset in all the continents of the world, and in engaging in the development of the rural areas of the world?

Hence it is right and fitting that a year should be chosen to highlight the spiritual magnificence of the Catholic priesthood. The late Holy Father in his Apostolic exhortation, Pastores Da Vobis has pointed out:

“ Priests are called to prolong the presence of Christ, the one high priest, embodying his way of life and making him visible in the midst of the flock entrusted to their care….Priests exist and act in order to proclaim the Gospel and to build up the Church in the name and person of Christ , the head and the shepherd.”

Cataclysmic changes have taken place in the world of Catholic priesthood in the US. According to a research study of modern Catholic priesthood in the U.S., done by Dean Hoge, published under the title “Evolving Vision of Priesthood”, the number of priests and vocations to the priesthood has come sharply down. “In 2001 there were 30,223 diocesan priests and 14,968 religious priests…..for a total of 45,191.This compares with 57,317 in 1985, or a decline of about 12% to 14% per decade.” The study adds further: “This number has been thinning down through the years in the U.S….The number of Catholics in the U.S. has risen continually over the past century. In 1970, the estimated number was 47 million and in 2000, it was about 61 million.” A similar change was happening at the educational level of Catholics. According to this study, “in the mid 1920s , about 6% of all American Catholics had college degrees, and in 1980, it was 28%.”.What is shown by this study is that as the religious landscape in the U.S. is changing, a lot more stresses, burdens and expectations fall on the shoulders of the clergy. The study also points out the shifting of the emphasis in ecclesiology. “The essence of the priesthood has undergone two shifts. The first occurred at the time of Vatican ll---from the older model of priest as administrator of the sacraments and teacher of the faith, to a new model of priest as a spiritual and social leader of the community. This change was accompanied by the Council’s new theology of the Church as the “People of God.” The young priests in 1970 were strongly in favor of this model. The second shift which began in the early 1980s, continues today and seems to be reversing the first.”

The changing understanding of ecclesiology also causes great tension in the lives of the priests. The old and the young have different visions and different approaches to their ministry.

Of course all these changes at the sociological and at the ecclesiological levels will not affect the essential function of the priests in their role as prophets, teachers and shepherds. The burden is much greater now as the present world, with its instant forms of communication and great technological advancements, puts great stress on the lives of priests. As communicators, administrators and as shepherd they have to remold their ministries to conform to these changing demands of the age.

It is only when one’s life is deeply anchored in the life of Our Lord that one can withstand the shifting sands of tastes and aptitudes of the faithful and hold aloft the torch of faith. Priests have to re-commit themselves to preaching the Word in the best way possible and to administering the sacraments in the most spiritual way possible. The words of the Holy Father should resound in the ears of all priests: “Lest we experience existential emptiness and the effectiveness of our ministry may be compromised, we need to ask ourselves ever anew: are we truly pervaded by the word of God? Is that word truly the nourishment we live by, even more than bread and the things of this world? Do we really know that word? Do we love it.?”

The late Holy Father John Paul II has called his memoir of his priestly life “A Gift and a Mystery.” It is a gift because priesthood transcends the merits of the individual and it is a mystery because the call comes from God at a time and place unknown to the individual: “ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you(John 15:16).Of course, every priest is aware of his unworthiness for such a call and knows that the ministry entrusted to him is beyond his qualifications. Who can say he is worthy enough to stand in the place of Christ and pronounce over the bread and wine that “This is my body and this is my blood.”? Who has the holiness to stand in the person of Christ to forgive the sins of others? As the late Holy Father John Paul II points out, “At its deepest level, every vocation to the priesthood is a great mystery; it is a gift which infinitely transcends the individual.”

Hence,what are the special tasks of priests? Is there a special spirituality for him as a diocesan priest? As one who works in the world, constantly interacting with people, preaching, offering the Eucharist, administering the sacraments, and running institutions and organizations on behalf of the Church, how can he be a living witness to Christ? Should he get away from the world to develop his spirituality? No, it is not in getting away that the diocesan priest finds his spiritual self but in immersing himself in the lives of his people. In celebrating the sacraments, offering the Eucharist, preaching the Word of God, and running the institutions of the Church, he grows closer to Christ. In all the things he does, he sees the presence of Christ. “Holiness is not something a priest can practice by himself or apart from the community of faith. The priest becomes holy within the community by ministering to it and leading it” (The Spirituality of the Diocesan Priest, Donald B.Cozzens,p.2).

The priest unlocks the doors of holiness when he is working in close collaboration with the laity. He is the one who brings Christ to them in all the different spheres of their activity. As the Holy Father Pope Benedict XV1 points out in the Proclamation: “Priests should be willing to listen to lay people, give brotherly consideration to their wishes, and acknowledge their experience and competence in the different fields of human activity.”

Cardinal Kasper in his book “Leadership in the Church” deals with the role of priests as leaders of the community. Referring to the distinction between “production “and “representation”, he points out that for priests what is more important is representation and not production. “ There is nothing for us to make…all we can do is to offer ourselves for the purpose of representation.” The center-stage is not for priests. They must be hearers and doers of the Word. “Priestly existence”, he points out,” is existence as a witness and as a sign, not only with our lips, but with the whole of our existence.” These words of the Cardinal do explain the essence of priestly ministry which is to be a sign for Christ .

The priests know deep in their hearts that the Lord who chose them will always be with them.His walk towards Emmaus continues with them at every breaking of the bread for the people. They would hear, day after day: “ I came not to call the righteous but the sinners.”

May this Year of Priests give all of us a renewed understanding of the gift of the sacrament of the priesthood.

70th Birth Day

Saturday, July 24, 2010

70th Birthday

What I can remember

When I look back over the past years of my life in this 70^th year , I have only feelings of gratitude to my Lord who has led me so peacefully and beautifully through the various phases of my life in joy and peace. I am very happy that I could spend my whole life for Jesus. I have no regrets. Although I worked full time in teaching, I am glad that there was never any moment in my life that I had lost sight of the Person to whom I dedicated my life. It was my passionate attachment to Him that helped me to meet all the hurdles and challenges in my life.

What a joy it was to spend my time in studies and teaching! I had such good friends in my life as teachers and colleagues. I had a great galaxy of teachers and friends on my side as I walked through the different walks of life. The only words that come to my mind at this time are: “Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord, I am not worthy of the blessings you have showered upon me.”

I am not a pious person in the traditional sense nor did I behave like one in my life. I like to associate with people with who read and who have ideas to share. I feel happy in their company. I like to read a lot and share thoughts with people of that nature. It was difficult at times to meet people of such mind-sets. I never found myself happy in the company of people who gossip and indulge in derisive comments about others. In fact one of the promises I made to myself while I joined the seminary was never to use any abusive or contemptuous word to comment on others. I am glad that I kept that promise until now even though I had to deal with several people who were real trouble makers.

But I enjoyed my time with people who are poor and dispossessed.. The mess servants, the menial workers at the college, and the daily wage earners who worked on the campus were my good friends. I am happy that I could be of help to them at different times in their lives.

I have enjoyed my time with my students whose lives in some way I have been fortunate to mould. I wanted them to grow up and develop as the best ones in the country. Now I realize that the time I spent for my students were worth the effort when I see them occupying very important positions in different parts of the country. Often, when I was the warden of the hostels of the college, I thought to myself why I was wasting my time for them as it always involved a lot of stress and tension. Most of the days, my time was spent in enforcing the discipline and dealing with those who violated the rules of the hostel. But it all turned out for the good from what I had seen in the lives of the students. I saw that my efforts had borne fruit from the positive reactions and responses from the former students. On one Christmas day, I received a card from one of my former students who is now working as a doctor thanking me for the care and consideration I had given him while he was a student at the hostel and making me aware that my sympathetic dealings with him has made him a better doctor.

The teachers of S. B. College were some of my closest friends in my life. They were very gracious and inspiring in their dealings with me. Whenever I get time during my vacation, I made it a point to meet with them. The teachers of the English Department from Prof. K.T..Seabstian on wards were persons of great benevolence and goodness. I have no words to describe the joy that I get when I spend time with them. I could regain the happiness of the former times whenever I was with them.

I was also fortunate to get very good teachers at the Catholic University, Washington D.C. Also the priests at St. Matthew’s Cathedral, and at St.Patrick’s church in Washington D.C. were great friends and sources of inspiration and encouragement. Recently some of those great priests of the Archdiocese of Washington passed away. I feel very sad at their demise as they were very close to me and always would be at my disposal whenever I needed their help. Msgr. Farina of St.Patrick’s Church, Msgr. Bernard Gerhardt and Msgr. Louis Quinn are some of those priests whom I can never forget. The years I spent with them were the greatest years of priestly joy and serenity. I have found in their company a lot of encouragement and support.

I can also never forget the some of the former principals of the college who were very good to me. Fr.P.C. Mathew and Rev.Dr.Anotny Kurialchery are some of the great Principals I hold in great esteem.

Archbishop Kavukatt who admitted me to the seminary with great words of encouragement and who later ordained me and sent me for higher studies is a person whose memeory will always be cherished in the depths of my heart. It was he who sent me to the college for teaching and even suggested the subject I should select for my Master’s degree. Abp. Antony Padiyara who sent me for higher studies in the US. and Abp. Joseph Powathil who appointed me the Principal of the college and who appointed me to various leadership roles are the archbishops I can never forget in my life .I am also deeply grateful to Fr.Joseph Karimpalil, the Vicar General who put great confidence in me when decided to appoint me as the Vice Principal at a very critical time of the development of the college. It gave me a wonderful opportunity to work along with Fr. Maroor who was a great friend of mine for starting new ventures for the college .It was that daring and strong move on the part of Fr.Karimpalil that made my career burst forth in full bloom in the academic world.

I have so many people to mention in my life who were kind and gracious to me. I know it is not possible to mention all of them.

But let me mention a few priests, teachers and friends. If I have left any, it is not because I love them less but because of the shortness of space.

Fr.Joseph Valiaveetil, Fr.Joseph Olassa, Fr.Seabstian Cherussery, Fr. Joseph Ithiparampil, Fr.Joseph Thaiparampil, Fr..Thevary, Fr.Geregory Karikampally,Fr.James Valiaparmapil, Fr.Mathew Mepreth , Fr.Joseph Alummootil are some of the priests who have left us for their eternal reward but who are remembered with great love in my heart.

Some of the teachers who are alive are Sr.Espirit,Fr.M.C. joseph S.J. Prof.K.T.Sebastian, Prof.K.K.Matthew,Prof.P.J.Devasia, Prof.K.V.Joseph.Prof.P.C.James.Prof.A.J.Francis,Dr.Joseph Sendry etc.are rememebered with great gratitude.

I know it has been sometimes difficult to live with priests in a community as some have different traits and attitudes. But I was happy in our college community. In many years of my life at the college, I lived in a community of more than 14 priests and the time I spent with them from the moment I joined the college as a young priest were happy and enjoyable. One touching moment in my life was when I received a tape from the college a few months after my arrival in the U.S. for higher studies in 1976 where all the priests right from Rev. Dr.Antony Kurialacherry giving their advice and fond recollections of my time at the college. That tape left tears in my eyes.

Now I live with a few priests at the Bishop’s residence of Syro-Malabar Diocese of Chicago. Bishop Jacob Angadiath who never knew me personally before I came to live with him offered the post of the Vicar General of the diocese when I was working in Washington D.C. I accepted it because of the fact that I could do some input in the formation of this new diocese. Abp. Powathil also asked me to accept the offer. I am very thankful to Mar Jacob Angadiath for the graciousness he has shown towards me.

I have always felt confident and happy in my life as a priest. I have accepted my vocation as a priest consciously and it was my strong feeling that whatever might be my personal failures I would never fail the Lord and Savior of my life, Jesus Christ. In His presence I have always felt the greatest happiness in my life.

Retirement and Pastoral Ministry in the U.S.

Retirement and Pastoral Ministry in the U.S.

Pastoral Ministry in the U.S.

I retired from the college on March 31^st,1996.

I stayed at my room in the campus for a week and then thought of leaving for the States for a few months as I found that I had nothing really serious to do in Changnacherry . As I could not see myself doing anything there I thought of working in a parish in the US as it would give me an opportunity for more reading and speaking.

I was given the job of the Director of Higher Education but that job was a non-starter as it gave me no real opportunity to work in the field of Higher Education.

After spending a few weeks in Changanacherry and Ernakulam, I left for the Sates in 1996.I had no intention of remaining in the US for a longer period but God gave me a long life to live here for more than a decade.

I spent a couple of months in New York and then left for Florida and there stayed at St.Coleman’s church,Pompano beach, for a couple of months. Fr.Jose Kottayil was gracious enough to arrange my stay there. I enjoyed working there during the summer months. I also did enjoy preaching the homilies and I found that there was a great appreciation of my sermons. One of the priests once mentioned that I preach with great conviction.He used he expression: “There is fire in the belly.”

He was referring to the passion with which I preached.

After being there for a few months , I went to Dallas for a short visit and spent a few days with Achankunju and Laiju.

Fr.Maroor durting that time talked with the Pastor of the Visitation parish which led my stay there for more than a year. I became a North Miami resident thus.While there, I happened to meet the President of St.Thomas University and he invited me to teach at St.Thomas University. I joined the Dept. of English as an adjunct Professor and taught there for two semesters.

During that time, I got a call from the Archdiocese of Washington D.C and they invited me to work in the Archdiocese.That was another big change in my life. Although initially, I was reluctant to leave Miami, I was blessed by God to make the right decision to join the Archdiocese.

I met the Director of the Priests’ Personnel during one of my visits to D.C. and that sealed my decision to work there. I would also be able to meet so many of my former friends if I would begin my ministry there.

My stay at the Visitation church , North Miami was thus very short.It was a small parish and the rectory was also a small house .But I enjoyed my stay there even though the Pastor was not a very cordial person.

After the mass in the morning, two old ladies from the parish would wait for me to take me for the breakfast. The Pastor would also join us. It was our daily routine.

On Sundays, Mr.George Vadaparampil would take me to his house and would prepare a nice lunch for me. Later Fr.Matthew Pathalany would also join me for lunch at the house of Mr.George.

I have to mention very specially my friendship with Neil Monteiro.Neil once came to the church for the Sunday mass and wanted me to bless his new car.That started our long friendship. On holidays , he would invite me to his apartment and would prepare very lovely dinners. He would also invite his friends on such evenings.I cannot forget the love and friendship of the those dear friends from Goa.

On July 4^th , Neil ,Francis and myself went on a long ride to Jacksonville. We stayed at the rectory of Fr.Victor Narivelly. On the way back , we visited the city of St. Augustine and Cape Canarval. It was an enjoyable trip.

On free days, I would invite Francis and we would go for long rides.

In August 1997, I went to India and while I was in India, Neil and Francis drove my car to Washington D.C. and dropped my things at St .Patrick’s church, Washington D.C.

St.Patrick’s Church,Washington D.C.

Although I was a bit reluctant to accept my assignment at St.Patrick’s, later , it turned out to be one of the best rectories and places of stay. I was told by Msgr.English, that the Pastor at St.Patrick’s was Msgr.Peter Vaghi. Msgr.Vaghi was a young attorney when I was an associate pastor at St.Matthew’s Cathedral.He used to lector at my masses.

But then he gave up his job as an attorney and joined the seminary. By the time, I came to St.Patrick’s he was working as a very successful Pastor there.

Msgr.Farina who passed away recently and Fr. Paul Liston were the other priests. They were some of the great priests whom I loved and admired.I enjoyed the warmth of their love and hospitality. There were so many times when we went out for dinner. Msgr.Farina was the Director of the Pope Paul Institute of Arts.

I did work under him for a couple of months when I came to stay at St.Patrick’s while teaching a summer course at the Catholic University.

I cannot also forget Msgr.Maurice Fox who became the Pastor while I was staying there earlier. We used to call him Marty while we were all staying at St.Matthew’s. We had such fun and laughter while we were at St.Matthew’s.

Even though I thought at the time I joined St.Patrick’s that it would be a quiet parish, in fact , it turned out otherwise.

One of the attractive things at St.Patrick’s was the series of lectures that was held at noon .By the graceof God, I gave a lot of lectures on different topics, including a few on Catholic authors. It gave me the perfect occasion to do what I always wanted: to do some serious reading, writing and speaking.

Even before I left Miami for Washington, Msgr.Vaghi had asked me to give a synopsis of the lectures I would give after my arrival at St.Patrick’s.

My first series of lectures was on Catholic novelists like Graham Greene,Flannery O’Connor and Walker Percy. I also gave a talk on the poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins.

Later I gave a series of talks on the Classics of Spirituality where I spoke on the works of St.Augustine,St.Teresa of Avila, St.John of the Cross, St. Therese of Lisieux,St.Ignatius of Loyola etc. I did also speak on the works of Thomas Merton,Henri Nouwen and Fr.De Mello.

I had to prepare heavily for those classes but I found the work of teaching very exhilarating. This was something I always wanted to do and St.Patrick's gave me the right opportunity.I have also to admit the encouragement, support and the prompting that Msgr. Vaghi gave me in this matter. As I spent my whole life time teaching English Literature, I never got much time to read books of great spiritual masters. This series of lectures helped me to read up on great spiritual writers.

The classes were attended by a great number of people.These were people who would come out from their offices for their lunch breaks. Some of the talks were given publicity by the Washington Post.

St. Patrick’s also offered me chances of meeting some of the great people of Washington. The Shrivers,Senator Moynihan,F.B.I.Director Louis Frieh etc were some of them.

St.Patrick’s also held masses for the John Carrol society as Msgr.Peter Vaghi was their chaplain. Hence those masses brought some of the politicians and lawyers to the church.

In a way my stay in Washington was a time of great internal joy and peace. I really enjoyed the beauty of priestly ministry while I was there at St. Patrick’s.

Cardinal Hickey and Cardinal McCarik were very good to me and acknowledged my ministry there with great satisfaction.

While I was at St. Patrick’s, I also did say masses for the Catholic Malayalee community of Washington D.C. Being part of both the communities was very exciting.

The Syro-Malabar community of Washington D.C. was formed at my initiative in 1979 while I was working at St.Matthew's Cathedral. Later, under the initiative of several of its future Presidents, bye-laws were established and priests who came to D.C. for studies ministered to the community as chaplains.When I left in 1981 , I handed the charge over to Fr.Antony.After my return to Washington in 1996, I helped the then Chaplain Fr.John Ayankana in his ministry for the people.When he left for India, I took upon myself the task of ministering to the community.It was while I was working for the community that Mr. Shabu Palliparampil who did an excellent work as the Director of the choir passed away. Mr. Benoy Thomas who was then the President of the Organization did a marvelous job in making various arrangements to make the funeral service well-attended.The members of the community were very generous in their financial support for the family.

I am deeply thankful to Benoy for organizing a very grand reception for me to mark my 60th birthday. Mr.Scaria Thomas who came later as the President also did organize another reception to bid me farewell when I decided to accept the post of the Vicar General and move to Chicago.

After I left Washington D.C., Fr.Matthew Punchayil took over the ministry and he is very successfully organizing different programs for the community.